The Efficient Life is Not Worth Living
I have no interest in “maximizing my time” by throwing out my hobbies.
Yesterday my husband got out his guitar and tried to learn the chords to a song we have started singing to our daughter. The song is simple enough, and seems to have a calming effect on her (it’s this song, if you’re curious). My husband was having a thoroughly good time; he’d forgotten how much he enjoys playing guitar. “I have too many hobbies,” he quipped. I laughed. We both do.
Writing. Drawing. Collecting vinyl. Painting miniatures. Watching movies and longform TV series’. Board gaming. Video gaming. Playing D&D. Knitting. Sewing. Graphic design. Reading. Cooking. Antiquing. My husband is currently writing three different novels and trying to invent a new tabletop RPG system. I am writing two novels, cooking half a dozen more in the back of my head, plus ruminating on some ideas for a new mixed media art piece. We own a bookstore. We have a baby. We attend two and a half churches of different denominations on a semi-regular basis. I like to keep our apartment relatively clean if possible. My husband works full time and just moved up into management, which means overtime as required, and half the other managers at his store just quit or are on leave.
None of this is efficient. None of this allows us to maximize our time to “achieve our goals.”
I’ve spent a lot of time in the past five or so years reading about productivity and goal setting and getting things done. Most of the systems assume that you have one tidy 9-to-5 day job, a couple hobbies, some friends and family, and a living space to look after. That list alone is a lot of responsibility. Throw a spouse and 2.4 kids into the mix and woah, your plate’s looking pretty full. Add a side hustle and church commitments and, hey, maybe you need to consider saying “no” once in a while, huh? If you’re spread so thin there’s no way you can focus, no way you can be efficient in getting it all done. No time for self care or alone time, and you know how bad that is.
Everyone’s always talking about how our culture hustles too much, about how there’s too much stress and not enough rest and burnout, for goodness sake. We need to do less, guys. We’re doing too much! You’ve got to be efficient.
But when we take out all those “extra” hobbies and things that we enjoy, what are we left with? Work. Chores. Self care. Sleep. Very efficient. You can develop some simple routines around those activities. If you’re careful, you can schedule out any time for leisure or self-reflection or fun.
Efficiency is boring. I don’t like routines. Every day I wake up to a different day under different circumstances. Yes, many of the same things need done; dishes washed, food cooked, bookstore worked at, baby fed and cuddled. But maybe I didn’t sleep well last night and need a nap. Or maybe I got up at 5am with the baby and got all the dishes done by 8:00 and now there’s a whole day ahead of me and honestly, I feel fine and full of energy, and naps are for losers. No really. I’ve had days like that, just this past week. And I’ve also had days where I needed a two hour nap and still wasn’t up to much.
The demands of the efficient life require every day to be pretty much the same. Maybe you change it up on the weekends (though every article on sleep hygiene will tell you to for goodness sake don’t you dare wake up at a different time on the weekends or you will RUIN your sleep) but it’s pretty much the same all the way down. No wonder we have sad young working women on TikTok miserable about how they never get to do anything. These aesthetic wellness routines on Pinterest are lying to you. Joy is not found in a perfect routine that schedules your work and rest and self care down the very last minute. Joy is found in staying up way too late reading one night and crashing at 9pm the next. That’s how you do all the things. You have the hobbies, you take on the responsibilities, and you make room.
That means some days, some things don’t get done. Some days, you put off washing the dishes. And some days you don’t get around to writing because you’re too busy cleaning up and paying bills and selling books. It’s not very efficient. And that’s okay. You do not have to decide today what the rest of your life will look like FOREVER. You just have to do today’s work (and play) as well as possible, and tomorrow is a new day with brand new priorities.
Are you describing my life? Other than the child, this is what my life, with a husband, looks like. I love playing guitar but am shit and haven't picked it up in months. I embroider and cook and sometimes write. My husband paints and is also working on an RPG game, in which I have no interest but go him. We work for ourselves so there is very little that resembles a routine. My uncle was a business owner, a very successful one. One day he said to me: Besides the stress and struggles, I don't want to know what I'm doing the next day; that's why working for yourself is better than anything.